Halloween is just around the corner and people of all ages are gearing up for an evening of tricks, treats and the opportunity to dress up and play a role if only for one night. As I was scrolling through a few Website in search of the perfect ensemble, I was reminded that while costumes designed for men tend to be pop-culture and occupation-based, costumes targeted at women lean almost exclusive toward the sexy. Even those that are occupationally-related offer sexy versions: sexy nurse, sexy teacher, sexy firefighter, sexy maid, sexy cat, sexy horse (for real!) and sexy police officer are just a few examples I found on the first page.
I love that Halloween offers an opportunity to dress up and be sexy, but I do wish the gender bias wasn’t so prominent and that there were a wider range of choices in terms of commercially-available costumes. If you want to wear something sexy, go for it! But if you don’t, that’s fine too. And don’t feel you have to stick to costumes designed for your gender. A few years ago, I dressed up as a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle in a costume I found in the “boys” section.
Regardless of whether you opt to dress as a sexy doctor or an infamous politician, Halloween offers the perfect opportunity to introduce and explore role-play in the bedroom. Dressing up, wearing a mask and/or trying on a new accent encourages us to push our comfort zones and try new experiences while the prospect of being less recognizable has the potential to lower inhibitions.
Remember that role-plays can take on many forms and the themes and roles you play within the bedroom may not reflect your real-life personal values.
For example, you (likely) value equality and respect in a relationship, but in a role play, you may want to experiment with dominance, submission or degradation. It’s normal and healthy to be turned on by roles that temporarily subvert your everyday lived reality; you simply to need to ensure that all parties are enthusiastic and that your experience is underscored by respect and informed consent.
If you’d like to extend your Halloween celebrations into the evening after the ghosts and goblins are tucked into bed, consider experimenting with role play with the following Halloween-specific tips:
Decide ahead of time how far you are willing to go with your role play and set clear boundaries. If there are words, scenarios or phrases with which you are uncomfortable, steer clear of them and let your partner know in advance. Perhaps you want to act our a scenario between a boss and her secretary, but you’re not comfortable playing your regular professional role, as it makes you feel vulnerable or may remind you of work. Let your partner know that any real-life references to your job title/role, company or co-workers is off- limits. It may seem strange to discuss these boundaries in advance, but it can be fun (even setting rules can be a form of foreplay) and will make for a more enjoyable experience.
Don’t get hung up on mainstream ideas for your Halloween costume or your role-play fantasies. The possibilities for role-plays are endless so get creative and use erotic stories, movie scenes, dreams and fantasies as your inspiration. Consider these roles and scenarios to get you started: strangers at a conference, first-timers, a celebrity and their biggest fan, teens who risk getting caught, model and photographer, hitchhiking, blackmail, sex for pay, cheating and ex-lovers reunited.
Wear a costume that is comfortable enough to last all night. You don’t want to have to go home or change into your street clothes before you’re comfortable enough to get frisky.
Be extra playful staying in character is a fun way to draw out the flirtation and keep a love interest or partner guessing. Even as your discussing practical plans or needs for the evening (e.g. do we have enough candy?), remain in character to set the tone and develop greater comfort with your role.
Choose a costume that doesn’t represent your typical self dressing up gives you a chance to explore you’re alter ego and try on new personas temporarily. You might even find that you push your boundaries and act out of character once you’re in character.Inject elements of your own personality into the new role, but allow yourself to wander into uncharted territory.
Be safe it’s likely that your roleplay scenario will involve altering the way you normally communicate your needs to your partner. You may use an accent, speak a different language, alter your volume or tone, adjust your body language, wear a blindfold or gag, and/or use words and phrases that are uncommon to your regular repertoire. For this reason, consider establishing a safe word or signal that you can use if you feel uncomfortable at any point in time. This safety precaution signals to your lover that s/he should stop right away and check in to ensure your well-being. Choose a word (e.g. ‘popcorn’), a clear visual signal (thumbs down), a signal that includes both gestures and sounds (e.g. two claps) or a kinesthetic cue (e.g. two rapid squeezes of the hand) that is easy to perform and recognize during the role play scene.
Start with dirty talk you don’t have to delve into complicated scenarios right away. A few sexy sentences can help you to ease into your roles and gauge your comfort levels to ensure you’re both feeling safe and enthusiastic.
If you feel self-conscious or silly playing a role turn the lights down low or play music on high volume. Changes in sensory perception (deprivation or enhancement) can help to distract you from your self-consciousness. Alternatively, wait until you’re a little aroused to slip into a role, as your inhibitions decline with sexual excitement.
Don’t drink (or eat) too much. Halloween offers the perfect occasion to indulge in some witches’ brew (and chocolate bars), but don’t overdo it. I’ve seen many a Halloween party turn from delightful to disastrous when over consumption rears its ugly head, so be sure to drink responsibly.
If you are experiencing low sex drive, try using a natural supplement to improve sexual health.
A recognized Toronto-based expert on sexuality and relationships, Dr. Jess has a unique ability to normalize the subjects of sex with her gentle humor and friendly disposition. She holds a Ph.D. degree in Human Sexuality. Dr. Jess has worked with over 2000 couples from all corners of the world to overcome sexual challenges. She’s also the author of three best-selling books and loves to travel.
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