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Be the Man She Desires: 7 Traits Women Look for in their Ideal Man

What do you want in a partner? Do you simply want someone loving? Funny? Sweet? Strong? Flexible? Exciting?
And do the traits you seek in a lover line up with those you seek in a life partner?

Regardless of gender, there is no universal formula with regard to what daters seek in the ideal mate. However, research does reveal some interesting patterns with regard to what heterosexual women want in a man and the qualities they seek in a husband.

Check out this research roundup…





You may have come across reports suggesting that height and voice pitch are the ultimate markers of masculinity and therefore essential to physical attraction, but a wealth of research suggests that behavior is of paramount importance. Kindness, for example, has been linked with higher ratings of physical and facial attractiveness and a recent study found that those who are more altruistic have more sex and receive more attention from the opposite sex. These findings were more pronounced for altruistic men who also reported a greater number of sexual partners and higher rates of casual sex.

You may not associate kindness with sexual attraction and frequency, but it makes sense that what we value in a sexual partner reflects the qualities we seek in a life partner.

A Sense of Humor


It may sound cliché, but (many) women are highly attracted to men who make them laugh. The online dating platform E-Harmony looked at data from 20,000 users and found that a sense of humor is ranked as the most important must-have in a potential partner, as scientists suggest that the ability to laugh together can help to create bonds and facilitate attraction.

Jeffrey Hall from the University of Kansas has conducted a series of studies examining laughter between the sexes and his research suggests that the more man attempts to be funny and the more a woman responds with laughter, the more likely they are to develop a lasting romance. Regardless of whether or not these interactions are fueled by benevolent sexism and/or culturally prescribed gender roles, laughter has the potential to ease tension, generate meaningful conversations and increase attractiveness during the early phases of courtship and in long-term relationships.

Faithfulness and Dependability


Two online polls conducted by the Opinion Research Corporation, and asked over a thousand women to assess a series of traits that might make a man “hot” to women. Faithfulness, dependability and kindness were ranked as the top three attributes with 84%, 75% and 67% ranking these three qualities in their top ten. By contrast and in defiance of may evolutionary theories with regard to masculinity and attraction, only 13% of women ranked “a muscular build” as an indicator of hotness.

These findings suggest that the way in which you communicate your commitment to a partner is more important than your physical appearance.



If you want a woman to like you, you need to let her know that you’re interested. Playing games, resorting to pick-up-artist tactics and/or playing hard-to-get create an unstable foundation for a relationship. Regardless of gender, no one wants a partner who is manipulative or nonchalant. If you’re interested in dating, be honest and convey your enthusiasm in a way that feels authentic and genuinely reflective of your personality. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to finding love, so do what works for you and don’t worry about what your friends (or the experts) have to say.



Regardless of gender, the ability to be present and mindful is positively correlated with attractiveness. In one speed dating study of 91 students, participants completed mindfulness questionnaires in advance of meeting with potential dates of the opposite sex. After each interaction, they were asked to rate their date in terms of sexiness and their desire to date them…

Results indicated that men were more interested in women based on physical appearance whereas women were more attracted to mindful men.

Check out this mindfulness app!

A Strong Sense of Self


Confidence is sexy, but there is no universal path to develop and convey confidence. Some people draw confidence from the friends they keep and others bolster their self-esteem by cultivating skills in the professional and/or personal realms. For some people confidence is strongly tied to their physical health and prowess while others derive confidence from emotional and cognitive strength.

Make an effort to identify your own confidence sources to enrich your life and be more attractive to potential partners.



Research reveals that humans are highly attuned to positive emotions and even simple facial expressions that denote positivity can increase attractiveness; a smile makes you more approachable and happiness is displayed via bright eyes and open, inviting body language. It follows that if you want to be more attractive, you may want to consider starting with your own attitude and happiness levels. Make a conscious effort to practice gratitude and engage in activities that boost your mood and you’ll be more likely to attract a loving, intimate companion.

Dr. Jessica Oreilly



A recognized Toronto-based expert on sexuality and relationships, Dr. Jess has a unique ability to normalize the subjects of sex with her gentle humor and friendly disposition. She holds a PhD degree in Human Sexuality. Dr. Jess has worked with over 2000 couples from all corners of the world to overcome sexual challenges. She’s also the author of three best-selling books and loves to travel.

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