Are you an introvert? And extrovert? An introverted extrovert?
Merriam Webster defines an extroversion as “the act, state, or habit of being predominantly concerned with and obtaining gratification from what is outside the self.” Introversion is defined as “the state of or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with and interested in one’s own mental life”.
I consider the dictionary definitions of extrovert and introvert polarizing and incomplete, as the reality is that most of us fall somewhere along a more complex and nuanced spectrum. Most of us are concerned with both internal and external influences and sources of gratification.
We enjoy being alone and derive satisfaction from social interaction. Some of us even identify as introverted extroverts —we are outgoing and social, but also place high value on alone time.
Because our desire to spend time with others and spend time on our own exists along a continuum, there are no universal guidelines for dating extroverts or introverts. And regardless of whether you gravitate toward the classification of introvert, extrovert or introverted extrovert, you may be a social butterfly or a homebody — none of these labels is mutually exclusive.
The benefits of dating a social butterfly are expansive and well-noted: they’re often the life of the party and the receive invites to the best events; they have a large social circle and always have lots of options in terms of after-work and weekend activities; their social network is so large that they can almost always call in favors; they light up a room and lift spirits with little effort; they keep busy schedules and often live dynamic lifestyles.
But dating a homebody can be just as exciting and fulfilling and many of the people I encounter are on the hunt for homebody partner, as they no longer want to wear busy as a badge of honor. I spoke with ten daters who shared their top six insights on the benefits of dating a homebody:
Your homebody lover may not join you on every escapade, but this gives you the flexibility to develop and maintain your individual identity. You can spend time with friends, head out for a night on the town, visit family on your own or take up a new hobby with a good amount of freedom since they won’t be signing you up for every event in town. If you’re a social butterfly and your partner is a homebody, be sure to talk about just how much time you want to spend together — you even want to create a loose schedule so that you find a balance between togetherness and independence.
Recent research reveals that couples who stream together, stay together. According to data from the subscription service, 58% of people say they bond with their partner over shows and movies and over a quarter believe that compatibility with regard to shows and movies is important. One study found that couples who watch “boxed sets” together develop a stronger emotional bond. Researchers suggest that this is especially true when partners don’t share mutual friends, as they adopt characters from popular culture to help foster closeness and interdependence. So, don’t worry if your homebody hasn’t had the chance to fall in love with your friends yet — you can practice bonding over fictional characters in the meantime.
The tab from dinners, movies, drinks and parties can quickly add up, so staying in can be good for your pocketbook. As long as you don’t make up for it via UberEats or online shopping, you’re likely to find that your piggy bank gets a little heftier each month.
Your fear of missing out may lead to exhaustion, sleep deprivation and early morning regret, but your homebody lover knows nothing of it. In fact, their potentially positive sleep habits have the potential to reduce conflict, heighten libido and boost the immune system. As long as they’re getting enough exercise, you both stand to benefit!
Busy social schedules can detract from your sex life, so if you’re a social butterfly, dating a homebody may help to create more balance in your life. Just as you’ll encourage them to accompany you to social events once in a while, so too will they inspire you to embrace a little rest and relaxation. As you decompress and relax, you’re more likely to be in the mood for some lovin’ on their super comfy bed.
Since homebodies spend so much time at home, many take the time to create a cozy, welcoming space for themselves and their guests. If you’re dating a homebody and you notice that they put a great amount of care into their personal space, look for ways you can contribute as well. You’ll likely be spending a good deal of time at their place, so be sure to treat it with respect by helping out with cleaning, household errands and the cost of purchasing staple goods.
A recognized Toronto-based expert on sexuality and relationships, Dr. Jess has a unique ability to normalize the subjects of sex with her gentle humor and friendly disposition. She holds a PhD degree in Human Sexuality. Dr. Jess has worked with over 2000 couples from all corners of the world to overcome sexual challenges. She’s also the author of three best-selling books and loves to travel.
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